The Waiting Game
Don't you find that a lot of life consists of a 'hurry up and wait' mentality. You hurry because you are running late and you're going to miss your doctors appointment. When you get there, just in time, you have to sit and wait! You are desperately trying to get the shopping done before heading home to make lunch on time for the kids. Then you get to the tills and you have to wait!
Life consists of times of action and times of waiting (as well as many others). I have entered a time of waiting. My chemotherapy treatments and multiple trips to the hospital for them; doctor's clinics; scans and the occasional hospital sleep-over have ended. I have had my PET scan and now I am waiting for the results - hurry up and wait!
There are times when I find my mind wandering into dangerous territory. The big 'What If' questions start to emerge - What if it hasn't gone? What if I need more treatment? What if this fight is not over for the moment? What if I can't go back to work? What if - what if - what if...
When I begin to hear the 'What if's' echoing in my mind I heed to remind myself that it's OK. God is in control. He always has been and He always will be. He is unchanging and I can trust Him. He was firmly in control of my life from the beginning of this journey with cancer. In fact He has been there since even before that - and he will continue to be.
I was due to have my appointment with my consultant on 25th October. However we have had a big family holiday booked over that week for a few years now. You know the sort where masses of extended family get together for a week's holiday, not sure whether it is a good idea or not. We have luckily done it before, so it should be fine! As my wife had to cancel absolutely every outing and family activity throughout this summer due to my ill health, hospital visits, treatments, scans etc. I was not going to miss this one! Especially as I am now off chemo and am feeling almost back to my normal self. My immunity is almost back to normal and my hair is even starting to grow back! So I pushed the results appointment back a week to the 1st November.
No matter how long I have to wait and no matter what comes, whatever the outcome of the results I can trust God. He is holding me. He is in control. I just need to remind myself of this at times.