Fanfare for a Friend
Two days after Christmas a friend of mine died. He too had cancer and was diagnosed a few months before I was. During chemotherapy we messaged each other a few times comparing experiences and lack of hair! He was also a musician (he played the trumpet, of was it flugal horn?) and a Christian.
When I heard the news about his death yesterday I was not prepared for the range of emotion that came over me.
It suddenly brought everything back - all those feelings of sadness when I was first diagnosed. I kept thinking 'That could be me. That could be me'. We had such a happy Christmas, made all the sweeter that I was there to share in it. But my friend's Christmas was very different.
Our lives and journeys were similar and intersected on a variety of levels, yet he is gone and I am still here. I guess I have a bit of survivor's guilt. I just need to accept that I will never understand all of God's plan for our lives. He gives and he takes away, yet my heart will choose to say 'Lord, blessed be your name'. Even in the midst of sorrow, God is still God and he is still in control. Even though my friend has died of the very thing that could have killed me (and still can) I still choose to trust God. I still cling to my rock who is stronger than I. He is able to remain steady and stable in the midst of the storm.
So here's to you, Brian! Your gentleness and friendship will not be forgotten. You are now free from the pain and suffering of this world. I'm sure everyone up there with you is dancing along with your trumpet playing - how great that must be! I look forward to joining in when my time comes.
A fanfare for a friend.