Continued Treatment and Recovery

Trying to take an inconspicuous selfish in the treatment room
I haven't been able to post in a while - sorry to all my dedicated readers. It's quite nice to be able to say that life has been rather busy recently (back at work, an 8 week old daughter, music and church things picking up) as opposed to being wiped out on the sofa and able to do nothing!

It has been good getting back to 'normal'. Even now i still have to stop myself and remind myself that I am just coming out the other side of a big battle with cancer. It still feels as if it has not happened to me and was all somehow a bad dream.


Recovery has been interesting so far.  Mentally all I want to do is 'Get on with things'. My mind wants to press on as if nothing has happened, as if my illness has been an inconvenient blip on the landscape of my life that i can now forget about - although I can't forget about it, so instead it acts as a constant reminder that life is short and needs to be lived to the full, right now!

My body has been saying: easy does it! Take things one step at a time. Don't push yourself too hard, but do take small steps towards recovering. After driving in to work for the first few weeks, I can now walk the 30min to get there. The walk does me good and doesn't finish me off. However I have been accepting lifts back home again at the end of the day. There are some days when I do feel exhausted, so am still trying to get the balance right.

My spirit is saying: Your suffering was not a blip to be forgotten. It is now an essential part of your life. It has helped to form you and to deepen your maturity. Your relationship with God has grown and so have you. Do not dismiss what you have learnt through your suffering. I cam across this quote recently that fits really well:

'In heaven, there will not be any pain, confusion or loss. So I embrace my moment of pain and give Him praise in the midst of it, because that is an offering I will never get to give Him in heaven' (Bill Johnson)


On Friday I was back in hospital as an outpatient for my two-monthly maintenance treatment. It is amazing how quickly two months comes round.

Yet again we had trouble inserting the canula. This time it took 3 nurses 3 tries before it finally went in a vein in the back of my hand. They took some precautions with a heat pack and raising up my legs - i used to feel embarrassed with my legs stuck up in the air over two nurses shoulders in the middle of the packed treatment room, but I'm getting used to it now. However I did not faint, and they managed to avoid using my 'fainting hand'.

That was the most exciting part. The rest of the treatment was uneventful. I occupied my time watching BBC iPlayer. This time my brain did go a little funny in as far as I struggled to recall certain words such as 'courgette' at tea time. And my speech went a little slurred for a short time. It reminded me of chemo, but they were not as severe nor did they last as long. I was extremely drowsy during and after the treatment which is to be expected. However I had a good night's sleep and the following day I felt more like myself. I was then able to sing and lead worship at church on Sunday, so that's good.

Before my illness i had been on a diet and had lost 2 stone. Unfortunately that has all come back on, so i am about to try again, albeit slowly and sensibly.

Thanks for continuing to read my updates.


  1. Thanks for sharing Matt, i still find it hard and upsetting that i can not do things which used to be second nature,all the very best..


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