Haunted by Shadows


Despite being in remission from cancer in some ways it never leaves you. It lurks like an unwanted memory, a distant shadow from the past clinging on to the present. Every now and then that shadow steps a little closer and makes itself known bringing with it doubt, worry and fear.

It stepped closer

This happened to me a few days after my last top-up treatment. After my battle with cancer I have learnt to listen to my body and not to ignore it.

I noticed a discomfort in my lower left back. If after doing activity or after being on my feet all day at work, this discomfort could turn to pain. I had no idea what it was or what was the cause. So I went to the GP. They had a look, as I thought it could be a side effect of some medication I had recently been put on for a mild skin condition. They tested my kidney function as well as had a poke around my abdomen area.

The niggling thought that the general location of the discomfort was exactly where the massive tumor was located beore my chemotherapy saw the shadow step closer into my consciousness.

In the following weeks the discomfort came and went in slightly diminishing degrees.

As it has not resolved itself I went back to the GP and he referred me back to the consultant at the hospital.

A CT scan an blood tests were done.

The results

Today I had my regular pre-treatment clinic with my consultant. He had looked at the test results and was pleased to let me know that the cancer had not returned. In fact he told me that the remaining scar tissue had in fact reduced in size since the last time we had a scan done.

Truth is often described as light and now knowing that it is not cancer, the light of this knowledge has caused the shadows of doubt and concern to retreat!

The doctor suggested it could be caused by the scar tissue slowly breaking down. The GP thinks it could be something to do with my colon.

At least we have ruled out the sum of all fears, so now we can start working towards an alternative diagnosis with peace of mind.

Thank you

Thank you for continuing to share this journey with me. Sharing the highs and lows as well as the fears and the joys. Every life contains all aspects and I am grateful that you have taken the time to share some of mine with me.

Any comments greatfully received below.

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