|Photo Credit: Gregory Barnum (Creative Commons License)|
The photo above was taken in the city of New Orleans several months after the devastating hurricane Katrina struck in 2005. It is a fantastic visual metaphor of what I am wanting to say in this post - it takes a long time to deal with the debris of a catastrophic event, even when the event itself ended some time ago.
Being Optimistic and RealisticA few months ago now my wife and I reached a point where my realism crashed into her optimism.
It was painful and tearful.
Since my remission she had been clinging on to her belief that God had healed me totally and completely. I fully believe that if God wants to do this, he can and he will (and maybe already has), but I am in the strange position that I will never know!
If I am indeed healed, the cancer will never come back and something else will end my life. But I won't know this until my life has ended, or indeed until (and if) my cancer returns - which is what the doctors predict will happen.
My wife and I have now come to a place where we can hold our belief and trust in God and his possibility of healing me in tension and balance with the possibility that God may not choose to heal me and my cancer will return one day.
This seems to be our new 'normal'.
Angry LoveIllness has also pressed some new buttons for us.
I find I catch illnesses more easily than I did before the cancer and the chemo.
Ever since my battle with cancer, whenever I get ill (recently it was with a rather nasty cold that was doing the rounds) my wife has reacted rather strangely.
A whole mix of emotions come to the surface including:
AngerAnger that I am ill again, and she really doesn't want to loose me. I get cross with her as I feel she doesn't really want to acknowledge that I am ill and doesn't show much sympathy, but she is just trying to deal with her emotions and cope with the situation.
FearAfraid that the cancer might return again one day. Fear that I will die and leave her and my lovely little girls behind. Also a fear that we may have to go through the trauma and treatments and pain all over again.
These are some of the effects of the devastation we are navigating at this time. I am sure more will surface in the months and years to come.
As we talk things through and pray about what's going on things are getting better. Healing is coming both emotionally and psychologically. But it is taking a long time.
How has the aftermath of a trauma in your life affected you and those you love after the event?
How about you?
What did you do to get through it?
I would love to read your comments below. Thanks for reading.