Chemotherapy 4

I had my fourth chemotherapy session on Thursday. It was by far the worst one yet! Everything went according to plan, there were no complications or adverse effects. But this time I was not in a good place mentally.



In the days leading up to the chemo I now know what to expect. How the drugs affect my body. The draining of my energy. The nausea. The nose dive my quality of life takes each cycle. I also hate all the needles! Every time I go to he hospital or doctor I seem to be greeted with a jab in my arm - a blood test, a cannula, the boxes of daily injections they stock me up with to self medicate daily at home.

So I was not in my usual positive place. In fact even thinking about the treatment makes my stomach churn! Even now as a write about it.

It is amazing how powerful the mind is. Due to my 'down' mental state my experience of this treatment cycle was adversely affected. I came away feeling slightly more positive but not terribly so. I made it home and ate well. But in the night, the waves of nausea overcame me and had me on my knees in the bathroom vomiting into the toilet at midnight and then again at 5am. It makes sense - my body is trying to purge itself of the poisons that have entered it. Chemo seems to be such a counter intuitive treatment. Put something into the body to kill certain cells that will ultimately cure you.

The anti-sickness meds they gave me are working now, although at present my stomach still feels unsettled.

Up until this point I did not really have an understanding of those who give up on their treatment before it is over. Surely you know that in the end it is the right thing to do? But now, I understand! The emotional and mental toll the treatment takes on you is bigger than I anticipated. I am still trying to turn my mind around to face another 2 cycles of treatment. I am determined to go through with them, but it is not going to be an easy descent. Sometimes coming down the mountain is more difficult than the climb up it.

In more positive news, our mortgage application has finally come through and has been approved. So now we wait for the lawyers to get everything in order so we can move into our new house, hopefully soon.

Verity has her 20 week pregnancy scan coming up in a week or two, so that will be something to focus on and look forward to!

Thanks for reading and journeying with me through this difficult time.

#2miraclesinthemaking